Naik tahun, makin penuh almari buku aku. Sekarang, almari pendek dah tak mampu nak simpan kemas semua buku-buku maka terpaksalah aku korbankan ruang almari baju. Menjadi perempuan, pantang nampak tanda 'sale' mulalah gatal tangan pilih apa yang tak patut dibeli. Alih-alih macam stor pula bilik comel aku. Adik-adik yang berminat, harga boleh dirunding. Ikut kira-kira, aku bagi diskaun 30% untuk buku tahun satu. 20% untuk buku tahun dua. Jimat rs250 duit autorickshaw ke Pritvi Bookstore dan tak payah penat angkut buku dari Ganesh Bookstore. Oh ya, dan lagi aku bagi percuma Singi Yatiraj Question Bank kalau beli pukal!. Untung. Boleh datang jenguk-jenguk ke J11, email shaineali@gmail.com. Kalau nak telefon tekan +919632589239 tapi sms dulu. Aku jarang angkat nombor yang bukan dalam phonebook.
It is probably easier to express what I wanted to say if I just write it down. I always knew it is bad to keep it inside. So, no matter what, I am going to write this. Please read them.
I am curious why you wanted me to say that I sayang you so much. It may be a normal thing for you to say it but it does not to me. I've written about this. If you've read my blog, then you'll understand.
I didn't mean to hurt you. You must have been devastated when I hung up. Upon reading your sms, I knew I had to tell you this. Sometimes I just think too much and not getting the job done. I know it's bad to think too much. Because it costs me a lot during my chess years. Now I do not want to make the same mistakes again and again.
You've probably been wondering why am I being good to you. The truth is, it took me a while for me to realize that. I admit that I may be slow at picking up hints sometimes. But eventually I will. Believe it or not, you also have been so good to me. In a way that nobody else besides my family has.
You may think it's weird. Unlike most guys, I do not talk to girls unless I have some important things to say, and I will feel uneasy when I'm around girls. That was me, just over a year ago. But I've changed, and slowly adapting. If you knew my style of chess, I do not like to rush things. I am always the kind of guy who is slow and steady (that's the phrase my mother used referring to my eating speed when I was small ) because I like to know what I am doing and not making mistakes.
When I came to India, I promised that I wouldn't let myself to fall for a woman. I have my reasons for that. Not because of my mother, although she was adamant about this. I remembered when she warned me, and I rolled up my eyes. My father chuckled and said, kalau dia dah datang, dia akan datang je.
And he was right. No matter how thick, or how many walls I built around myself, I will eventually fall for someone. And that person is you.
I still remembered that day that you melted me down. Gradually, I begin to like you more each day. I never thought that I would fall to a person who once I believed I will never be friends with in a million light years. That was long time ago, I got irritated with you during the yoga theory class in the first year. That's why I never believed in love at first sight or first impression and all that.
You are most probably freaking out right now. I can never tell for sure if you have some feelings for me, romantic feelings. You've given quite a lot of hints. But I thought they may be accidental, or you may not mean them, or you just wanted to flirt with me. I don't know. You probably have some feelings for me but you do not realize it (believe it or not, sometimes we look like a couple), or you wanted me to take the first move, or I am being paranoid and you have no feelings for me whatsoever. And about when you called one night, and a voice of a girl answered. Why are you mad at me? You must have some feelings for me then.
If you noticed, we suddenly became closer on the day the BBH had a senior-junior party. Since then, we talked almost every night. The first time was over twenty minutes. I thought that was waaay too long as I've never talked to a girl thaaat long. But the second time, we talked for 50 minutes and it felt like the time hasn't moved at all.
I wanted to say that I sayang you. But that word means something more for me. If you say sayang is to care, then I do not just care for any person. To say that word would mean like I love you. I wasn't ready to tell that over the phone. You are also the first girl I confessed to. I don't know how you'll react but I am freaking out. But I do care and love you.
There's still a lot that we need to talk. About the email I sent about you avoiding me, about one thing that I wanted to show you (you probably forgot this one. I said I wanted to show you something as well as asking you two questions). I could go on but I'd stop right now.
If you only thought of me only as a friend, then you may feel betrayed and will hate me. But I don't mind that. I'd rather tell what I feel than continuing becoming ignorant.
You can continue to melt me with your cuteness or if you decide otherwise, then I shall back away.
Best Regards, Hafiz Shafruddin
[the email was sent on Sunday, December 28, 2008 3:10 PM]
Mama Ezza datang. Sempatlah makan home-cooked ketam masak lemak, terus aku declare mahu jadi anak angkat. Sebelum balik Malaysia, anak angkat dapat ini
Cikgu hadir dalam hidup aku dalam makna yang sungguh besar. Kalau bukan kerana manusia pendidik, aku mungkin jadi buih di laut, beralun merenggang, keruh disapu badai. Atau mungkin juga ranting rapuh, kembali patah, jatuh ke bumi, hilang terbenam. Hilang dalam ketaksuban manusia membanding-banding sijil atau berbangga dengan nilaian wang. Sungguh, aku berhutang banyak dengan guru. Tapi jarang sungguh ada guru yang benar-benar mendidik.
Oh, kalau nak tahu erti guru sebenar patutnya habiskan ulang Dragon Zakura!
"For an examination question, there is always only one good answer. If you don’t find that single good answer, you fail. It’s very difficult problem. But for life, it’s different. In life, there are many correct answers. Going to university is good answer, not going is as well. If you want to do sports, music, or if you just want to enjoy yourself with friends, or even make a detour and help someone, these all good answers. Then, don’t live a cowardly life!"
Abang [ipar], Jaga kaklong saya baik-baik [dan kami yang pastinya akan memeningkan dengan ragam yang macam-macam]. Dah tetap majlisnya, izin tuhan sampailah kakngah nanti.
Sekarang, aku posting obstetrics and gynaecology. Tadi sempat tengok Caesarean section, post-grad yang buat tapi assisted by Dr Vijaya. Mrs Gopika, 34 years old, elderly primi with difficulty in labour suspected of contracted pelvis. It's done under spinal anaesthesia. The baby girl is healthy, weight 2.3kg.
Lahir ke dunia saja sudah satu nikmat. Hidup tidak selalu indah. Tapi sempurna. Dan untuk itu, kata yang paling layak barangkali hanya "Terima kasih". Sungguh, Tuhan. Tidak ada yang lain.
I was talking with Hafiz in the college bus on our way back from Baptist Hospital 3 days ago when I realized my growing fascination towards cars. Yes, car! [in fact that I don't owned any driving licence]. I love this red bimmer as the exterior styling is sleek to say the least: nice lines, almost feminine in its appeal.
Maybe, a bimmer as one of the hantaran[s] sounds pretty unrealistic but who knows I can get one. Or, it can be a suprised gift for the wedding anniversary. Or when you feel tired of driving me to and from my workplace. Very manjalah this girl kan.
I am dreaming while sleeping through the static Sunday, and I dream of the red lady.
Kek coklat ni ikut resepi kaklong tu tapi tak jadi sangat. Rasa tak lah sama dengan kek coklat yang kaklong bekalkan kakngah itu hari. Mungkin ni cubaan pertama ikut resepi tu, lain kali kakngah buat lagi. Kakngah paksa Hafiz habiskan sebab Awien bercuti ke Goa dengan kawan-kawan. Tak moist sangat, kakngah doublekan baking powder sebab tak dapat cari soda bikarbonat.
Semalam, sedang aku godek-godek mangkuk waktu buat kek coklat kukus [resepinya di email kaklong], aku teringatkan kisah aku kecil-kecil dahulu. Tiba-tiba aku berasa rindu. Rindu sama wayang. Selembar kulit yang diukir dan dibentuk menjadi sosok manusia yang kemudian digunakan untuk menceritakan kisah-kisah tertentu,sepertinya kisah pandawa lima dalam Mahabarata mahupun kisah cinta tragis (menurutku) Rama Shinta dalam Ramayana. Wayang kulit memang indah tetapi yang lebih indah lagi adalah falsafah dan pencerahan yang dikandungnya. Menjadi seni rakyat yang sebetulnya digemari, wayang kulit banyak menyampaikan mesej kemasyarakatan secara mudah.
Kalau dulu menyaksikan wayang kulit di padang sekolah memang asyik. Melihat orang beramai-ramai menunggu Wayang Kulit Sri Asun dengan lawak bersahaja Etong dan Akeng sangat mengujakan. Sri Asun memang terkenal di Kedah, sama hebatnya dengan wayang kulit Nang Thalung dan Nakhon Si Thammarat di Setoi, selatan Siam. Di Kedah siapa yang tak kenal Etong, Pak Tam dan Seniman Nunui. Dengan kacang rebus yang dibeli daripada penjual di tepi pagar sekolah, aku selesa walau berhimpit menunggu tirai putih menjelmakan bayang-bayang. Tok wan memang penggemar wayang kulit, ketawa sampai menampakkan barisan gigi palsunya yang putih bersih. Tok wan juga orang wayang di masa mudanya [mengikut kata ibu].
Ini Pak Tam.
Kalau tak salah, tok dalangnya Pak Majid. Pak Majid mewarisi bakat ayahnya dalang Mohd Noh Mahmud yang menubuhkan Wayang Kulit Sri Asun pada 1973. Aku tertanya-tanya masihkah wayang kulit jadi hiburan masyarakat di sana. Wayang Kulit Sri Asun sememangnya mewarnai masa kecilku di Kedah. Sepertimana ikan pekasam yang jadi identiti Jelapang Padi ataupon keropok lekor yang sinonim dengan masyarakat Terengganu, Wayang Kulit Sri Asun juga mesra di ingatan orang utara.
